i'm SO happy.
i really don't remember the last time i was so happy with things. i'm getting the best grades of my life, i've finally found someone who truly understands who i am, and i have the best friends i could ever ask for. track's coming up soon as well.. and we ALL know i'm a track nut. i'm not doing as well in certain things as i usually do [e.g. math team] and i've been letting some deadlines slip [e.g. debate team], but overall i've never felt so great. i'm not self-conscious about my hair anymore because it's grown out to the length that it was freshman year before i cut it. 

i hope things don't come all crashing down on me; this is what i've been wanting for a long time. 

now it's time to see some hockey! :D

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: 311 ~ amber

these past few days have been FANTASTIC!

Sunday was a ton of fun with Andy. He was supposed to go up to this reunion thing for camp but for some reason he decided not to go.. anyway, he picked me up at 1... we went to the mall and did random stuff, like play in the arcade and take pictures in the photobooth.. then we literally went to about every store you can think of. haha.. walmart, target, best buy, toys 'r us.. and a ton more i won't list right now. andy just about broke this big 4 wheeler for kids in walmart ahaha..  we took the bouncy balls out of the pen in toys r us and started pelting each other with them ahaha..  we went to hannaford's (we went to all three, somehow) and bought some diet coke and mentos.. went to cohen to set it off, but he messed up.. what else.. idk.. just went driving everywhere, went into petco, kohl's, iparty, the airport mall.. haha.. we took a hannaford cart and zipped around in the airport mall like 2 mins before it was supposed to close.. bought some more diet coke andmentos, thinking he wouldn't screw up.. of course, he did again.. lol. we literally went everywhere in bangor you can go..  all the way out by manna and beal college and by hampden, the mall, the airport mall, ahaha  idk we talked a lot and just hung out i guess.. then he was so amazed that i had never been to denny's that he took me there.. i felt so bad but he insisted on going.. made me steal the salt shaker though lmao.. idk why but i made him keep it.. got home about 7.. watched the pats game.. we kicked the cowboys ASS 48-27. then i flipped out at george about the drinking thing and now im not talking to him.. lalaa

Of course, Monday was amazing as well. Kate and I left around 12.. not going to go into great detail since I want it to be something that's between us, ya know? I can't describe it well anyway. It was amazing just getting out of Maine, let alone the concert. The Hives opened, the concert was A-MA-ZING.. and we ended up leaving boston around 11:30.. got to portland at 1:45.. got back to bangor at 3:45-4 or so.. hahaha and now psat's tomorrow.. woop!

So pretty much, that's it.. besides from the fact that people are trying to start drama yet again. Yay! :[ not. Just another headache in the medley, I guess. But, I've been specifically asked to keep it off of LJ, so I will. :0! Yes, I listen sometimes! If that was a 2-way road, we'd be ALLL set.

dsfjhjdfhjkhdskjds still on a high from the concert

Current Mood: sleepy

LIAR.
       Thank god, I'm finally free from all that mess. Found out about one lie, hm, let's see if there's any more I should know about. I had been a bit fickle about it all for a while, but now I'm definitely never, ever going back to that again. It's not that big of a deal, but the person in question knows its a big deal to me. There wasn't even a reason to lie, I would have accepted them either way. They just tried to make themselves look better and get on my good side by lying, and it worked, initially. They shot themselves in the foot, recently, by contradicting what they said earlier. dhjkkdjknj I hate people who lie! Makes it so much easier to dislike them :]

       I almost feel liberated, like I'm free from imprisonment or something. It feels good though. Hopefully I won't take this feeling as more than it is. We'll see how that goes. And.. I'm not gonna talk to this person for quite a while. It probably won't make a difference until they try to fall back on what they think is there, and kapoof! It's not there anymore.


     in other news...
  I should probably be doing homework, but I really don't feel like it. APUSH isn't exactly my cup of tea. (tea is gross, but you get my point). The game on Friday was fun.. we whooped the Cougars 46-0. Yay! I'm excited for the Maroon5 concert too.. that's gonna be funnnnnnn XD. Someone is irritating me, but that's been going on for awhile now and doesn't look like it's getting any better. Whatever. Everything happens for a reason. And honestly, this one feels good too.. well, besides from the constant arguments. If I didn't care about this person, most of them probably wouldn't start. I guess all I have to do is stop caring. :] Easier said than done, but I'll try it. I can't handle constant bickering, but I can't go back to the way things were because I can't handle it anymore. I hate drama.

Current Mood: infuriated
Current Music: Bananarama - Cruel Summer

Life is just dandy right now.

Had quite a horrible weekend, but that's because I was thinking too much. About what, you ask? Mostly relationships. I've kinda decided that I do want to be in one, but not with George. As much as he is a good guy, it's just not the time. I'm not ruling out next summer, but I need to find someone who lives closer and who I could be friends with first before jumping right into a relationship. *sigh*.. oh well.

Besides from that, I've been pretty good. School's going fine for me.. best year yet, in terms of that. I wish Abby was still here, but I get to talk to her so that's good. She's still keeping me saneeee. 

Ahh, now for the bonfire! Bonfire + homecoming week + pep rally + homecoming game + Pats vs. Dallas this weekend + M5 concert Monday = happy me ~~ :]

Current Mood: accomplished

Something always has to be wrong.

This is insane. There's so much that no one even understands because no one knows, or will ever know. My problems aren't your tools for comparison. That's why I haven't (and won't) laid/lay all my cards on the table. 

I don't think this bottle's going to stay shut for much longer, it's been shaken too many times lately. 



Every night before I go to bed I want to rip my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs, but I can't.. so I have a splitting headache and magnify my bitch factor. Soon, I will be friendless, emotionless, and growing only academically. I'm scared.

My life is so good, I know I'm privileged. Everything's packed into a load that's too heavy this time around. I refuse to drop anything school-related, so other things must go. It will all be better in the end, I keep telling myself, but the short term is awful.

The time's coming where I will go insane.. tick, tock. .. and as much as I don't want to stare at that clock, I need to know the limit so I can prepare for when I break it. 

fffhrrhgfhgf. I'll continue to try to be all together, though. I'm only tricking myself. 

Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: Little of Your Time - M5

It's been a whole month since I've posted.. wow. Well, as you all know, I work at a Boy Scout camp with Katelyn. It's been fun.. I really, really miss hanging out with all my friends here in Bangor, though. There's been days where I regret working and living at the camp because there's so much I'm missing out on at home. At the same time, this summer has just been.. unbelievable in so many ways. Katelyn and I have gotten so much closer this summer.. but when you live with someone for a month.. well, it happens. I was interested in a guy from MSSM for a while, but last night he told me that he thinks that what we've been doing at camp (which is nothing.. out of the ordinary, i guess) is too fast for people who have only known each other for a few weeks, even though he was always the one to start it. i just don't understand, i guess.. i just went with the flow, but it's okay. there's another guy who came into the horizon this past week.. the first night i met him, we just clicked. we've been hanging out all week, and getting.. closer. i found out that he really does like me like that.. he's attractive and has a great personality, as far as i can tell. we'll just see what happens, i guess. i almost feel like a whore because for the past week, i have been close with more than one guy at the same time.. which is never healthy. now that i know which one i really like, well, it makes things easier. 

yesterday was abby's going-away party. it was amazing. i went straight from camp to her party, so i felt bad when katelyn and i were kind of.. distant compared to normal. we were really trying not to do that, too... i think overall, though, we all had a lot of fun.. which is always good. i'm going to miss abby more than anyone even knows. we haven't talked as much as we usually do this summer because i've been gone.. that's the thing i regret most about going to camp..  i'm missing the last opportunities to hang out with someone who's always, always, always been there for me... she's an amazing person. *sigh*

i just realized it's the 22nd of july, and i've only completed 10%, if even, of my summer homework. shitshitshitshitshit. this sucks.

Current Mood: indescribable

FTA was really fun. I got there Sunday afternoon.. we played wiffleball and capture the flag. On Monday we went to the School of Marine Science, the Pulp and Paper factory (they had shredded money)!, a climate change institute, then we went rock climbing at MaineBound. Tuesday was kind of boring.. we went to a plant farm, an animal farm, an engineering place, and to the Challenger Center. Wednesday we went to Audubon, Blackbeard's (go-carting!), and had discussions. Of course, dancing in the rain was fun as well. We went to Bar Harbor on Thursday.. Jackson Lab, MDI Biological Lab, swam in Echo Lake, went shopping, then watched the sunset on Cadillac Mountain. We had a scavenger hunt at 11:30 (pm) all over campus.. we were wearing ridiculous costumes (our team was the pirate team), and had to do ridiculous things, like take a picture with a police officer and pretend to withdraw money from a bank. haha. NOT a good idea that late at night. our van almost overheated and we almost got pulled over more than once. i went to bed around 4:30.. woke up at 6. we had our goodbye brunch at MCA and then left..  overall the people were awesome and i had a good time. i'm going to be in eddington for most of the summer working at a boy scout camp with katelyn. "working", anyway, meaning volunteering. eh. it's going to be fun though. :)

i did well on my report card too.. all a's for 4Q, sem exams, and sem grades. MAT's weren't so hot, but that's okay, they don't matter. blahablhaabla

Current Mood: exanimate

i don't even know where to begin. states were on the second.. bangor won, of course. :)  i did really shitty, so i'm glad the girls weren't expected to do much. there were a few controversies at the meet, but overall it was a good one. my birthday party was on the 3rd..  had my three closest friends there.. i love them so much. we had a cake/water balloon fight, ate ice cream, played games, and chatted about life. <33  best birthday party i've ever had. the day of my birthday was awesome too.. a bunch of my friends went down to my locker and decorated it like crazy... it was cute and so nice of them.  we had finals the next week.. i did pretty well on the ones i know about. once i get my report card i'll post the grades and my schedule for next year, although i think everyone already knows my schedule.  wednesday morning i went down to the camp with katelyn..  it was fun.. the guys are kind of girl-deprived though. haha. i came back thursday afternoon, went to kelly's.. hung out with her, abby, and katelyn.. it was fun. went shopping friday... went to kelsey's saturday.. and now i'm here... packing for UMaine.. I'll be back on the 29th. fun stuff.

Current Mood: busy

We had PVC's on Saturday down in MDI... going down there just brought back so many memories of when I was little and used to go down there for camp and stuff like that. I could point out everything along the way, tell you what buildings never used to be there.. it was just one of those few blips in time where you're brought back to what used to be and will never quite be again, but you get a taste of it anyhow. Anyway, we got there waaay too early.. so we were kind of sitting around for a while. I did javelin and shot put.. did pretty average in both distance-wise (66-03/29-07)... placed 11th in javelin and 6th in shot put. All I have left now is states. I got a really bad sunburn/tan down there.. it's tanned out quite nicely now but saturday night i could have passed for elmo. Yesterday I was bored and went on a walk.. it really cleared my mind.. set me off on a bit of a writing tangent for ten or twenty minutes, but after that I was back to normal. This weekend has been so long, but it's felt so good. I feel weeks away from last Thursday and Friday.. and it's been a matter of days. 

My parents have decided that I should have a party for exclusively my friends and we'll just do nothing at home, they'll just give me a present. They're not into parties at all, so it's not surprising. It's kind of annoying in a way because they were the ones who told me to solidify my plans, which I did.. I'm sure I annoyed my friends while doing so.. I'm not a big party person yet I was planning WAY ahead..  and now it's not even worth it. I could have started planning now instead of coming off as too into it when it wasn't really my choice. Oh well. Let's just hope it doesn't rain on Sunday.. I'm still having it regardless but I'd rather have sun.

I don't really.. want anything. It seems weird, but I really have no idea what I want. My mom asked me yesterday and I couldn't tell her what I wanted.. because I don't really want anything. So if you're going to ask me what I want, I'm going to tell you right now, I have no idea, you know me well enough, surprise me. 

Lalalalalala summer's almost hereee

Current Mood: thankful

   So, yeah. Yesterday was the last day of Big Brothers Big Sisters.. it was fun and sad at the same time. I'm going to be doing it next year with the same boy so it's good. Practice has been.. lackluster at best. I really want to break 30 on Saturday.. it's imperative if I want to even place. I just have to beat one girl to place though unless I completely suck and get last or something. I made varsity for javelin as well but that's a hopeless cause. I got lucky on one day, not happening again. There was Academic Recognition whatever tonight too..two hours of nothingness. 

iuefhjdherkjfhtjrekhdfkksjh this is a good tool of procrastination, I have to do homework still.. argh

 

btw if i didn't invite you to my party yeah, it's 4-7 Sunday, June 3rd at the park near my house..

so pretty much if you are Abby, Katelyn, Kelsey, Megan, Kelly, Carolyn, Lyndsay, Ariel, Kate, Jen, Katie, or Kristin, this applies to you.